Message of Hope
According to the CDC, depressive disorders as a primary diagnosis, account for fifteen million physician office visits. The number of suicide deaths in America is 49,476 annually. Not only are Americans sicker and heavier than ever before but mental health keeps declining. This is a complex issue, and I am not going to list the reasons for this. Instead, I offer a simple message to change the perspective of those who are prone to depression.
There are only two types of people, those who are self-focused and those who are other-focused. These are not clinical terms but depict a general perspective or world view. Let us examine each and then come back to the topic of mental health. I am also going to include my personal testimony and some wisdom I have learned along the way. No one is always self-focused or always other-focused. Most people shift gradually throughout life to focus more on others. I am not presenting either of these perspectives as negative, only highlighting the mental health benefits of one over the other.
Self-focused
A person who has a self-focused worldview feels they need to measure up to what society depicts they should be. They strive to prove themselves, struggle to fit it, and constantly compare themselves with others. They are on a hamster wheel of doing the next thing, and the next, constantly trying to feel some level of self-worth. People in this group are susceptible to believing the lies we allow to define us; the lies culture uses to keep us trapped. Yes, they are lies because these false beliefs set people up to constantly feel as if they are not good enough. Once they climb one hill, there is another. Once they get a degree, promotion, or award there is always another and another.
The greatest risk with this type of worldview is relying on external validation, which causes people to be more concerned with how they look to others than doing well. It sets them up for “imposter syndrome.” This is where a person secretly feels like they are not good enough and they struggle with challenges. Students who have imposter syndrome feel good if they are earning A’s but as soon as they are faced with a challenge, they fear everyone will find out they are not as smart as others. The entire system of external validation, looking good to others, and the appearance of success, intelligence, beauty, etc... is a complete trap and can only lead to disappointment.
Other-focused
A person who is other-focused cares deeply for others and puts the needs of others first if appropriate to do so. Let me explain, that everyone should have healthy boundaries and giving to much of yourself when you do not have much to give is a recipe for disaster. But for those of us who do have healthy boundaries, the sky is the limit as far as how much we can help others. Writing this, I am sure many of you will think about financial help but most of the time people need to feel heard, feel like they matter, feel like someone cares, and just need someone to listen. This takes extraordinarily little effort, and it can make an enormous difference for others who are struggling.
One of the many benefits to this type of thinking is that it gets you out of your own head and away from your own insecurities. You suddenly feel gratitude and no matter your issues, there are always people out there who are dealing with more than you could have ever imagined. In addition, this is the way to have healthy, intimate, and authentic relationships. It builds trust, reliability, and accountability. If you truly embrace loving others as yourself (thank you Lord Jesus) you are so busy showing love and kindness to others that your own life is completely transformed and your perspective shifts completely. This is the reason Christians are so resilient; they see the bigger picture and act lovingly to all. This includes those in their Christ family, as we are called to share each other’s burdens.
Personal Testimony
I grew up with an alcoholic stepmother who found many ways to make me feel worthless during the most formative and vulnerable years of my life. I then spent my early adult years believing the lies she communicated to me regularly. I was super shy and did not feel worthy of others’ time. I also became an overachiever, earning every award, trophy and accolade I could. But nothing I accomplished made me feel like a mattered for long.
Submitting my life to Jesus changed everything. He showed me the lies (that I was stupid, fat, and ugly . . . that I would never marry or have a boyfriend, and especially that I was worthless.) I am a child of God and have inherent value. I no longer worry what others think of me. I do not have to look smart, be a certain weight, or even wear makeup. My worth is not superficial and has nothing to do with outer appearance. Those who know me know that I put others first and am fiercely loving and protective of those I love. I do not care about being insulted, belittled or even the death threats (from running for school board.) No one else defines my truth because Jesus has shown me who I really am.
Application
So now is the time for you to decide; are you going to let society define you? Are you going to believe the lies about who you are? Are you going to be dependent on external validation, on cloud nine one minute and then in despair another? Or are you going to live for others and ask the Lord to show you who you truly are and if so, what will you do with that freedom once you are off the hamster wheel?
References: